Birthday (NEW) GIRL(S)

This week, we celebrated the birthdays of our two favorite “girls,” Jess Day of Fox’s New Girl and Hannah Horvath of HBO’s Girls. Granted the audiences of the show have little overlap, it’s no surprise that these two girls had quite different birthday parties.

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Location

New Girl: Nick plans a surprise party for Jess, but forgets to take into account the many hours leading up to his seven o’clock gathering. He stalls by taking her to get a diabetes test at the drug store, and then challenges her to find the heaviest rock in the park. When she’s had enough, a teary-eyed Jess heads to the movies, where her friends give her the surprise of her life.

Girls: Marnie hosts a party for Hannah in a dive-y bar, at the expense of Mr. and Mrs. Horvath. Guests were welcomed to an open bar, using the password “banana.”

Big Surprise

New Girl: Nick puts together a touching video montage of all of Jess’ friends, co-workers, parents, and students, each saying what they like most about the quirky teacher. 

Girls: After Charlie posts Marnie’s embarrassing music video on YouTube, the absentminded friend decides to prove her singing abilities at Hannah’s party. She invites Hannah on stage for a surprise duet of “Take Me or Leave Me,” something Hannah swore to never do again. And by the look on her “Birthday Bitch” face, she’s not having it.

Unnecessary Conflict

New Girl: While I’m glad the writers have picked up on the conflict between Winston and Coach (now there isn’t a single “token black guy” on the show), I’m not sure their cake-bake-off was the best way to show their division. However, I’m glad that they’ve finally settled their differences in the name of Jess Day’s birthday.

Girls: After telling off Shoshanna for doing nothing (literally, he started the conversation), a drunk Ray gets into a shouting fight with Hannah’s editor/Edward Norton lookalike, David because the bartender changed the song during Ray’s request. Ranting about “song cues” and “what’s right,” David shoves him into a coffee table and they tussle.

Ending

New Girl: Everyone is happy in the movie theater! Yay! And then Schmidt’s epic green screen moments happen, and it gets even better.

Girls: Hannah and Adam return to their apartment to find Adam’s deranged sister, Caroline, naked and cutting herself in the bathroom. Hannah and Adam agree it would be inappropriate to have sex in this situation, so they don’t.

When I posted this, I thought it would be creative and witty and never-before-seen. Then I saw other people blogging about the same birthday parties and I felt inadequate. So, take this with a grain of salt…or two.

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The Zoe/Zoey/Zooey’s of TV

Zoe or Zoey or Zooey is a pretty unique name. And it’s no wonder why all the most compelling characters on television today bear this name. Let’s take a look:

Zoey Barkow

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Show: Nurse Jackie
Actress: Merritt Wever
Occupation: ER Nurse
Description: This fun-loving, colorful scrub-wearing ball of fun scored an Emmy this past year for taking her character to a new emotional level. When taken home by Dr. Ike Prentiss, she confesses that she’s “not the nurse that goes home with the doctor.” But we’re cheering for you, Zoey. We’ll watch the edited-for-television version of Dirty Dancing with you and attend your Nurse’s Appreciation basement bash. And maybe we’ll throw in a driving lesson if you promise to wear your kimono to work.

Zoe Barnes

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Show: House of Cards
Actress: Kate Mara
Occupation: Journalist
Description: She’ll blackmail you until the day you die, but she won’t kill you – so that’s a plus! With the nation’s most prominent media outlets at her fingertips, she will do whatever it takes to make a name for herself. And she’s not above sleeping with members of Congress – I’m looking at you this time, Francis Underwood.

Zoe Benson

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Show: American Horror Story: Coven
Actress: Taissa Farmiga
Occupation: Witch/Student
Description: With a vagina that kills, this is one witch you do not want to mess with. I didn’t mean for that to sound crass, but Zoe Benson’s super power in this horror thriller is to take the life of any man she has sex with. Tragic, yet she works it. When she’s not out protecting the coven, she can be found having a three-way with her undead boyfriend and undead classmate. If they’re already dead, she can’t kill ’em!

Zoey Brooks

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Show: Zoey 101
Actress: Jamie-Lynn Spears
Occupation: Boarding School Student
Description: By joining the first ever class of women at Pacific Coast Academy, it’s not an overstatement to say that Zoey Brooks is truly a pioneer. From the spacious dorm rooms straight out of a PB Teen catalog, to the mouthwatering dining hall food, she made us all want to go to boarding school. Until she got pregnant and ruined everything!

And because I couldn’t resist:

Zooey Deschenel

New-Girl
Show: New Girl
Character: Jess Day
Occupation: Teacher
Description: Quirky.

TV Haikus

Two weeks gone, and to what avail? So I’ve decided to write haikus to make up for my lack of television blogging. This is cool, right?

NEW GIRL

Coach is back, thank God!

But Schmidt moved out, Cece’s sad.

Nick and Jess? In love.

“Temple Grandin” jokes,

A lot of diversity

For a show on Fox.

THE MINDY PROJECT

Mindy rebounds and

Makes a bro club for her friends.

Appreciated.

Josh Peck guest stars, what?

Doc Reed’s dad? Charles Widmore.

Danny in the nude.

MODERN FAMILY

Cam and Mitch engaged,

Extravagance? No Pepper.

Prostitute downstairs.

Manny vs. Manny

Can they both win? But, of course!

Lily makes me laugh.

AMERICAN HORROR STORY

Nan and Christian boy,

Fiona kills new supreme,

Where’s your tongue, Spaulding?

Zombies attack house,

Who blinds Delia? Burn her!

Misty Day revives.

DOWNTON ABBEY

Edith’s pregnant. Yikes!

Mary rolls in the mud. Yikes!

Violet’s sick, then not.

Robert takes the states.

Bates learns truths about Anna,

Baxter’s the new spy.

HOMELAND

Carrie pees on stick.

Plus? Whose? Saul goes duck hunting.

Random people die.

Dana changes name.

Moves out of the house, abrupt!

Where is Brody? Huh?

THE WALKING DEAD

Who burned the bodies?

Carol. Sorrowful goodbye,

Alcohol poisons.

Flu plagues the prison;

Beth – no tears in this new world.

Carl should die soon.

Well, that was a fun segment, right? Let’s just look at this picture and laugh:

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http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/11/25/challenge-haiku/

Fall Television So Far…

Now that the first few weeks of fall television are under our belts and we’ve bid adieu to Breaking Bad and Dexter (on gravely different terms…spoiler pun intended) it’s time to reflect on what’s working and what’s not working with my line up.

What’s working:

New Girl

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I’ve gone “all in” with the third season of New Girl, and the cast has never been stronger. Between Jess and Nick’s honeymoon phase, Schmidt’s juggling of CeCe and Elizabeth (played by the hilarious Emmy winner Merritt Wever), and Winston’s obscenities, the laughs keep coming. The latest episode hit home with a broad range of emotions, when Schmidt is finally caught in his double life. Both Max Greenfield and Hannah Simone change the tone of the quirky show in a tear-inducing break-up, but Merritt Wever perks us up again with her devil-may-care attitude, giving Schmidt a pie to the face. Now, he vows to split up the seemingly innocent couple, Jess and Nick. Will he succeed? Will Winston be able to take care of Ferguson the cat? So many questions!

The Mindy Project

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The OB/GYNs are back for a take two, after Fox barely renewed the show for its second season. Mindy is back with a host of guest stars like James Franco and Beth Grant. So far, the season is fast paced, well-written, and generally funny. However, the plot line of Dr. Reed being fat just isn’t working out and Mindy Kaling needs to pen in some more lines for Betsy Putch, the more naïve version of Pam Beasley.

Modern Family

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What’s there to say about Modern Family? As much as I ragged on them for winning their fourth consecutive Emmy just last month, the first few episodes of this season have reminded me why it is one of the greatest shows on television. It’s managed to stay topical, tackling the legalization of gay marriage by having Mitch and Cam get engaged – but not before a comedy of errors. Elsewhere, Gloria is convinced that Fulgencio is possessed by the Devil and Phil has found a new niche of real estate customers – divorced wives.

Parks and Recreation

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Pawnee’s Parks Department crossed the pond in the season opener of Parks and Recreation to accept Leslie’s award for women’s achievement in government. With the town still against her, Leslie learns to come to terms with her constituent’s ignorance with the help of April. Meanwhile, Tom has a new competitor in the clothing rental business: Jean-Ralphio’s father. Retta is still doing her thing (thang?) in the office, as Chris and Ann Perkins break the news to their co-workers about their pregnancy. I’m expecting big things from this season of Parks and Rec, even though Rob Lowe and Rashida Jones are slated to bow out halfway through the season.

Downton Abbey

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Over in the UK, the upstairs/downstairs drama Downton Abbey is back in full swing, but the mourning of Mister Matthew has put a damper on their lives in the past six months. Also, O’Brien skipped town in the middle of the night (little explanation here), making Anna the head Lady’s Maid for Cora. Edith is off gallivanting in London with the publisher, while Mary mourns in her room, until Carson and the Dowager pushes her to her brink and she choses life – for her and her child. I’m loving the introduction of the electric mixer in the kitchen, finally giving Daisy something she’s good at. However, when Valentine’s Day rolls around, she’s left with a fake letter from Mrs. Patmore, while Olive gets one from Alfred, but she thinks it’s from Jimmy. It’s so middle school and I love it. All the while, Thomas has had a slight change of heart, and wants to be more of a part of baby George’s and baby Sybil’s life – much like Carson was a part of Sybil, Mary, and Edith’s life. I have a feeling the first two episodes were catch-up/set-up episodes, and hopefully they keep the drama coming.

What’s not working:

Homeland

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What was going on with the Homeland premiere? I understand that Brody’s confession must have destroyed his household, but by seeing the season three premiere, you’d think Dana is our main character. And don’t get me wrong, I think Dana is a very interesting, dynamic character, played by the very talented, Morgan Saylor. We saw very little of Claire Danes freaking out, which upset me, and too much of her having sex, which also upset me. Also, I know Brody is supposed to be MIA, but at least let us know what he’s up to, right? And Saul’s wife is back? Why? That part didn’t make sense. Let’s pray that this was just a bad set-up episode and that Carrie Mathison will go ham on some terrorists.

The Middle

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Just make a Sue Heck spin-off and I’ll be happy.

NEW GIRL Walks Down the Aisle

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Last night, Fox’s New Girl invited us to CeCe and Shevrang’s traditional Indian wedding, but their special day was not immune to Jess and the gang’s antics.

Before the wedding, Jess, who is the maid of honor, and Nick are unsure where their relationship is and choose to just enjoy each other’s company for the day.

Meanwhile, a full-bladdered Schmidt stumbles upon CeCe’s changing room on his search for a bathroom and the other bridesmaid yell for him to leave. As he does, he makes eye contact with CeCe, which he takes as a signal from her to get her out of the wedding.

When Schmidt tells the rest of his friends that CeCe wants to call off the wedding, they ignore his foolish thoughts. But, he is able to convince the conniving Winston to help him “sabo” (sabotage) the wedding.

From using a blow horn to send Shevrang’s horse into a frenzy to blasting “Cotton Eyed Joe” as CeCe walks down the aisle, the two get a rush from their pranks.

However, Jess is not pleased with their childish antics and goes to see what they are up to. She stumbles upon Nick, who she thinks is a part of the scheme and she calls off their fling.

Later, an angry Nick agrees to help Schmidt and Winston with their final prank to get back at Jess. This time, they plan on sneaking a badger through the air ducts and dropping it on the alter. Of course, their plan goes awry and Jess ends up trying to help. After a heart-to-heart in the ducts, Nick, Jess, and the badger all fall through a vent on top of the alter canopy.

The ruckus causes CeCe to call off the wedding, but she adds that she is in love with someone else – staring down Schmidt as she does so. Shevrang, too, declares his love for the mysterious Elaine, who stands up in the crowd – it’s Taylor Swift! Although her acting is cheesy, her out-of-place presence makes it all the funnier.

The episode ends with a bit of a cliffhanger, as far as one can go in a half-hour comedy. Schmidt is given an ultimatum by both Elizabeth and CeCe to pick between the two of them – an ironic twist in fate for everyone’s favorite womanizer. Nick and Jess decide to keep their fling going, even though we all know it won’t amount to anything in the end. And last, but certainly not least, a light-headed Winston awaits an ambulance for his badger wounds. Will he live to prank another day?

Overall, New Girl was able to pull off the almost impossible by avoiding a sophomore slump. In fact, I argue that the show is even better in its second season, and showrunner Elizabeth Meriwether isn’t showing any signs of slowing down for the show’s upcoming third season, set to premiere in September.

NEW GIRL Loses Its Virginity

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In an episode of monumental proportions, the New Girl gang reminisces on how they each lost their virginity – each trying to out-do the others in terms of who had the worst experience.

Jess starts off by announcing that the man that had been her first time is in town and that he has asked her on a date. This spirals into peaked curiosity on the sex lives of the members of the group, so they decide to tell their tales.

Jess starts her story by claiming she lost her virginity on prom night, but her story is cut short for having too much of a prologue.

Cece butts in to tell of her deflowering, saying that on her prom night she met Mick Jagger in a bar and rolled with the stones.

Schmidt recalls a night his senior year when him and his newfound love interest, Elizabeth, decided to have sex after many months of dating. Nick was tripping on shrooms when the pudgy couple began their sexual escapade and he attempted to crawl out without being noticed. Schmidt, however, used a bit too much lube that caused him to slide off the top bunk and smoother his roommate. After some back and forth, Nick crawled to safety leaving the room to the somewhat happy couple.

Winston remembers losing his virginity on the night when Nick’s dad brought the two of them to New York City and brought women back with him. Reflecting on the experience, Nick explains that the women were prostitutes, but Winston was sure that his girl, Mysteria, was a nurse.

In an effort to make up for her prolonged story, Jess continues her saga of how she lost her virginity. She met up with CeCe in a bar and saw the guy who serenaded her at prom and the two of them. Ironically, the two girls look around the bar and see their future friends Nick, Schmidt, and Winston, goofing around in a booth. And just to make a Lost reference in my post, it reminded me how in Lost, the castaways had already crossed paths with one another before crashing on the island. Similarly, the best friends had already glanced over at each other – and Schmidt even tried a pickup line on CeCe: “So, do you like DVDs?”

Jess continues to explain that the she and the guy decided to have sex in a miniature castle on a public playground, but his anti-depressants hindered him from getting it up. As soon as day broke, some kids found the two of them wedged between the gates so a firefighter had to come rescue them. This fireman, Tommy, rescues her and becomes the man t take the New Girl’s virginity.

At the end of the episode, the group disbands while Jess continues to get ready for her date. Before leaving, she makes a point to say goodbye to Nick – their sexual tension has been in effect since the pilot, and he intends on cutting it with a knife tonight.

In a play out of an ’80s romantic comedy, Nick rushes after Jess in the elevator, scoops her up, and brings her back to his bedroom where the rest is kind of self-explanatory. But if you need explanation, they have sex.

To end this post, I want to just throw out how funny it is that Brenda Song is still a recurring guest star on this show. That makes her the only Suite Life of Zack and Cody star to go anywhere after the Disney channel show ended. You go, Brenda Song. You go.